It's a strange feeling going through something that you never in a million years thought you would go through. My spirit is strong in God because I try my very hardest to reside in Him! However, every once and I while I'll be reading someones facebook status or post and sadness just washes over me. Reading about people decorating their baby's rooms or packing their baby's bag for the hospital... All very exciting but I find myself longing for that normalcy. Instead of thinking about room colors and clothes I have to think about where I'll deliver, will I get an amnio, what will the days after delivery look like... and the list goes on. I know that God has different paths for each of us to walk but He never said it would be an easy journey. I know I'll have many moments where a wave of sadness will come over me and other moments where I feel the strength of the Lord which is UNBREAKABLE. It makes me think of what Jesus said in Mark 14:38 "Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
It starts with "Keep watch and pray" and some versions say "Stay alert and pray"...Because it's in Him that we will find the strength we need to endure whatever lies ahead. When we have spent time with the Almighty it strengthens our spirit and gives us courage to face our greatest temptation - Doubt. Doubt is the root of mostly every issue in my opinion. We doubt the power of God to deliver, to heal, to set us free and from that doubt we fall into temptation which leads to sin. When we have faith we know we can face whatever comes our way because we know that we rely on GOD alone! The sustainer and the perfecter of our faith! Our spirit is not what doubts for it is "willing" but when we spend time filling our FLESH more than we fill our spirit then we will experience more weakness then strength. Wonder why you can't seem to shake that "issue" that "struggle" - Start filling your life with GOOD things! Stay alert, be in prayer and fill yourself with the word of God! It's bread and life to all who engage it! Does that mean everything is going to be perfect. Ummm heck no! But it does mean that you will have the strength needed to endure where life may lead you because it will not be your strength - for our human strength is not even strong but the strength you will be filled with is the supernatural, powerful and faithful strength of the I AM! The ALL Sufficient God! When Doubt comes knocking - and it will - we have to KNOW the word of God to speak to that doubt!
My desire for normalcy is my human nature desiring all things "perfect" but as long as I live in this world it never will be perfect. God has given us a massive range of human emotions and as a pregnant woman I feel I have little control over them - I guess I should just say as a woman in general I have little control over them lol!! The point is my human heart may cry and sob over the things I may face but my spirit is glad to count it all joy and my SPIRIT is stronger than my humanity!
In closing Isaiah 53:10-11 "But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins."
Not comparing my trial the the death and sacrifice of my precious savior but I find comfort in this passage. "It was the Lords good plan to crush him and cause him grief" so that we might have life abundantly! "And the Lord's good plan will prosper in his hands" - I want The Lord to be able to say this about my life! That HIS good plan prospered in our hands!! The part that gets me EVERY time..."When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied" In every trial our anguish can and will accomplish good things and when we are able to look back and see ALL that God did with the anguish we endured we will be GLAD and REJOICE that we went through it! We will praise God for the opportunity and gift that it brought to the KINGDOM OF GOD!
Let us not be discouraged by our present suffering but be encouraged that God will use it for HIS glorious purposes!
Be blessed in all you do and may God's grace keep you!
Proud daughter of the MOST HIGH GOD!
Jillian
